I felt the platform rise, beneath my feet, painstakingly slowly; presenting me to my death.
And that’s when I felt it; surging through my veins, pounding in my head, and invading my thoughts: Fear; Panic.
There was no way out now. There was nothing I could do about it. What I had been waiting for, and training for, for countless weeks, was now here.
When I go to the top, my new enemies were standing all around me, as we all stood surrounding the supplies. I scanned my surroundings. There were beaches, and waterfalls, and a tropical rainforest. I could smell the seawater, and the dampness that lingered in the air and hung around me like a sloth.
The sixty second countdown began.
“60, 59, 58, 57…” I heard the automated voice say.
The dreaded moment was less than a minute away.
I began to look for supplies and tools and weapons among the things in front of us.
“50,”
No, I thought, No weapons. I’m not going to kill anybody; I can’t kill anybody. I’ll let them die from natural causes.
But I need something to hunt with.
But I can’t kill an innocent animal! I can eat fruit and plant-life instead.
“40,”
But I need something for self-defense. I don’t have to use it, but I seem like more of a threat if I have it just in case.
“30”
The seconds felt like years, as they counted down and I waited with nervous anticipation; but at the same time they seemed to go all too fast, as I clung to what might be my last moments.
“20”
I felt my pin. I closed my eyes and turned my head toward the sky.
“Lilly, be with me,” I mouthed over and over again.
My body shook with fear, but I tried to contain it as I got my head back in the game.
I tried to focus on something else to get my mind off of the fear.
“10”
I’ll get a survival bag, and bolt toward the rainforest. Maybe it’ll come with some sort of knife that I can use until I get some sort of weapon from a passed tribute.
“3, 2, 1.”
I got the bag and bolted.
To my surprise I made it into the forest alive.
Every new second was a blessing.
I cherished the fact that I was alive.
Great writing. I liked how I really got to feel how you were feeling in your story. In pieces to come, I think that you should work on showing and not telling a little bit more. Also, try to help the reader to understand more of your thoughts and emotions in the present time instead of your thoughts for the future. You mentioned a few times how you were planning what you needed to do. As a reader, I would like to know deeper emotions that you have. To make your writing even better you could use a more wide range of vocabulary. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Keep it up. Work it!
I absolutely love your attention getter! I also really like how you did the count down to the moment you ran. Next time, try to describe more of the surrounding and the setting. You did a lot with your feelings witch was good, but I would like more setting.
I think that you did a great job with the post. I could feel what your character was going through and the thoughts added an extra edge to that. The only thing that I wish you had done is add some more sensory details to when you were looking at the other contestants or the arena.