I have been very distracted in my performances lately, as I have grown quite homesick. I miss all of my friends and my family (what’s left of my family. With my missing dad, and my late sister, it’s really only my mom). I feel so sorrow for my mom; it’s very unfortunate that our family has had two tributes, one of which did not make it back, the other still awaiting her destiny. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for her, not just both daughters being tributes, but being all alone on top of it all.

But most of all, I miss Lilly. She was everything I wanted to be and more; seemingly perfect. Everyone loved her. There was something in her smile that could just brighten the whole world, like if she was happy so was everyone else. Her eyes always smiled, even if she was crying. There was such a naturally happy vibe that came out of her like a waterfall, and made you question all of the world’s problems. People say I have her sparkly, striking blue eyes, but mine lack the inner-smile that made hers even more vibrant. I look like her in so many ways, but I cannot do her beauty justice because most of it lied within. Why she had to die, I will never know, but I keep telling myself it was because she was too good of a person; too pure for our ugly world; that she was such an angel that she was just merely going back home. I miss everything about her, and long to see her again. For all I know, I might be closer than I think.

I recently received a silver parachute, something sent to me from a sponsor. I was very excited and pleased just from receiving something from the outside world, knowing that there were still people out there that were supporting me. When my quaking hands opened it, inside lay a shiny, metallic, video camera, with a note instructing me to film a video diary back home to someone I miss.

“Can I send it to heaven?” I thought out loud.

Hey! They’re giving you the opportunity to communicate with the outside world; they’re doing you a favor! No need to be bitter! What would Lilly say about that?, I thought.

And with that, I thought about what I wanted to say, and filmed.